Why? Why don't I have the strength of character to just tell him to 'fuck off'?
No one knows where Barney lives, the general suspicsion is that there is a mother somewhere who takes care of him by night, realising him into public so that he can blight our lives by daylight.
Today he was telling me about his share dealing. He invited himself in, I mean not that I was doing anything but that the point, he invited himself in and sat on Lucinda's new designer couch, and started telling me about his plans for the next few months.
"Sell up your banking shares Cornelius I'm telling you."
"Barney I don't have any banking shares".
"Well get out of anything tide up with higher finance."
"Barney, I'm a gardener".
"Its all coming down I tell you."
He told me to buy VW shares and hold them until the end of the year.... and I thought "I'm don't have a penny you bullshitter and neither do you between us the only difference is that I have the honesty to admit that there is nothing in my pocket" but I didn't say that, I nodded with a weak "Yeah yeah" and waited for him to leave.
"I'll leave", he said about an hour later.
After he'd gone, maybe another hour I noticed there was a dent, no not just a dent, a sagging bend of a dent, in the couch where he had been sitting... permanently... an ugly folded reminder of the hateful man's arse.
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