Life just look so easy for everyone else...

I lay in bed and watched Luicinda this morning moving around our flat - making calls - paying bills - arranging... arranging I don't know what - just arranging everything - and it looked so easy... she's effortless... she was gone with a smile and a kiss in an instant... and then I got up... actually I didn't get up there and then I had a hand shandy, made some coffee, went back to bed, read last Thursdays paper, had a shower, got up, checked my mobile phone, had breakfast and then went back to sleep...

And that's my point.

I didn't know what to do. I look at other people and they seem to be so focused, directed... I still feel like a kid by comparison.... I'm over 30 now... I've passed the cusp... not middle-aged but its approaching on the horizon... and I don't know what I'm meant to do.

I'm still a child. Really - I thought I would have stopped feeling like this...

But I'm still a bloody child.

Maybe its because nothing bad - I mean really bad - has ever happened to me... maybe that is it. Maybe something has to happen - something of such seriousness that I make the transition - that huge transition into adulthood and then that's it... in one fell sweep... wooooosh the veil is pulled away and there I am... adult.

But for the while I'm still this child - still the same person I was a decade before.

Hmmmmmm.

This really isn't working as a gardening block is it?

Also all DJing gigs considered - very reasonable fees.